Still There

I remember that day. It was sunny and everyone wore black. After the long box was placed into the ground there were three loud shots. I remember that I kept yelling at the soldiers to stop putting dirt on daddy. He had a lot of work to finish, how could he do it if they were putting dirt on him?

~~~

Every day after that I always looked at the door, I waited for daddy to come home. But he never did. Mommy looked too but whenever she would catch my eye she would just smile and do something that would distract me from the thoughts.

When would he come home?

Weeks passed yet he still didn’t come.

One day mommy was fixing lunch while I played with my toys in the other room, I suddenly got a cold chill. “Elicia, I love you” said a voice. I looked up and dropped my toy “Daddy? Daddy! Mommy, daddy’s home!” I turned toward the kitchen and yelled again “Mommy, daddy’s back” she rushed into the room “Elicia what are you talking about?”

“Daddy’s back” I said turning to point at the spot he was at. “See he’s right the-” nothing was there. “…Where did he go?” I ran to the spot looking for him. Maybe he was just playing hide-n-seek. “Daddy, where are you?” I turned back toward her she was on her knees level to me. She grabbed me and pulled me into an embrace. She was crying again, this was the first time I had seen her cry again since big sister, and the other two boys came to visit. “Oh Elicia” she whispered into my hair. She pulled away so she could speak

“Elicia, sweetie, daddy’s not here, he’s not coming back”

“Why not?” I asked “Is it because he hasn’t finished his work? Because I could help him!” a mournful look crossed her face, she tried to hide it with a soft smile. “I’m sure you would” the steam whistle from the tea kettle made her run back to the kitchen.

It wasn’t until years later that I understood the concept of death.

Even as the years passed I never forgot that night where I saw him. Not that I believe in ghosts or anything like that, but I do believe that you have a chance to say goodbye. Only now did I realize that it was his spirit saying goodbye.

However there are still some days where I feel this presence around me, protecting me. And somehow I know that it’s him watching over me, wherever he might be.