literature

Chapter 1: Captured

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--KATARA--

We were all sitting around the fire eating our dinner. The sun had gone down only a few minutes ago, so there was still some light left in the day. It had been a couple of days since we left the Earth Kingdom outpost. And were all glad to have left too, General Fong was crazy. He believed the only way Aang could truly beat the Fire Lord was to go into the Avatar state, something Aang can’t fully control yet. Instead of them escorting us like they had said they were, we left for Omashu on our own, where Aang would ask Bumi to teach him earthbending.

We finished eating and fixed our stuff so we could leave when we woke up tomorrow. When everything was put away, except for our sleeping bags, we went to our sleeping areas. I wasn’t that tired so I just looked at the stars. Pretty soon I heard Sokka’s loud snoring and Aang’s even breathing.

Just as I got comfortable so I could sleep I looked up and saw the fire still going. Why hadn’t Sokka put it out? I wondered. I got up from my sleeping bag and walked over to the fire, after I put the fire out I realized that the water in my water pouch was low.

“Aang, I’m going to go get some more bending water” I whispered into his ear, and then walked into the forest.

Now wasn’t there a river this way? I know I remember seeing one when we flew over.It would have been a lot easier navigate through the forest if the sun was up. After I had passed some trees, bushes, and almost tripped on some roots, I found the river. Bending the water into my pouch took hardly any effort. I looked to the sky again, at the moon.

Only a few more weeks until a full moon. I felt myself smile. I looked to see if anybody was around. It wouldn’t hurt if I practiced some. Aang was almost at the same level as me, a master. But of course I wouldn’t be where I am now if it wasn’t for Pakku. Thinking of him brought back memories of the North Pole, what happened to Yue and when Zuko almost got away with Aang. At least we got him back before Zuko could take him very far. Thinking about the royal pain made me curious how close he was. He always managed to find us; I admit he’s a very skilled tracker. We haven’t seen him seen the North Pole, so we would see him soon, I could feel it. I wanted to be ready this time, so I closed my eyes so I could solely focus on my bending.

I don’t know how long I had been bending, but when I heard a twig snap my eyes flew open. I looked around trying to find the source of the sound. I heard it again; it was in front of me on my right. I stepped into the water and got into a defense stance. “Who’s there?” more twigs snapped. I heard a low growl and then I saw two glowing eyes peering through the bushes.

It emerged from the bushes; its eyes were glued to me. A platypus-bear. I could try to fight it but I decided that it would be better to run instead. There was about twenty feet or so between me and it. When it took a slow step forward, I took a step back. I took another step back before I ran. I heard it chasing me, and I knew that it was gaining too, yet I was stupid enough to look back to see how much space there was in between me and it. I tripped on a rock and fell down a hill.

I crawled behind a tree. I noticed that my arm was a bit scratched up and bleeding a little. I heard it come down the hill and get closer to where I was. It found me by following the scent of my blood and was now in front of me. It stood on its two feet and towered above me. It let out a roar and I screamed. Just as it was about to strike me fire hit it from behind. It turned to look at its attacker. More fire came and hit its face; it roared in pain and retreated.

I used the tree to steady myself as I stood up. I looked in the direction that the fire had come from, looking for my rescuer. “Aang? Have you been practicing your firebending?” No, that couldn’t be right.Aang said that he’d never firebend again after he accidentally burned me that time. “Hello?” I said while walking closer to the darkness. Then the moonlight revealed him as he walked from behind the bushes. I stepped back when I saw who it was. “Zuko” my surprise quickly turned into anger. “Well, look what I caught” he said with a smirk. I backed up and was planning to run again, but I wasn’t fast enough and he caught my wrist, and turned me around to face him.

“Where’s the Avatar?”

“Let me go!”

“Tell me where he is”

“No”

“Fine then, if you want tell me then you’re going to bring him to me”

“What?” I said not fully understanding what he was saying, but then I did. I tried to get out of his grip but it only tightened “NO, LET ME GO!” I screamed. “Go ahead and yell, that will just bring him to me faster.” I used my free hand to try and pry his grip off my wrist. When that didn’t work I kneed him in the stomach. He let go and dropped to the ground with a groan.

I ran without thinking of where I was going, but when I realized I stopped. I can’t lead him back to our campsite; I have to get him as far from there as possible. I turned and went the opposite direction. Luckily enough I met up with the ocean. I’d be almost invincible if it were a full moon. When I heard noises behind me I walked in to the water.

“You’ll pay for that” he was mad but I just laughed

“Oh, really? I’m a waterbender, and it’s almost a full moon, do the math.” I just barley dodged the fire that he threw at me. I retaliated by throwing a water wave at him, but he evaporated it. As he got closer to the edge of the water I stepped back further in it. I did more waterbending moves, but he either evaporated them or dodged them. I was starting to get tired. I summoned a big wave and threw it at him; it knocked him down but before it did, he threw a stream of fire at it, my wave had eliminate most of it but some made it through and continued its journey to me. As I was trying to dodge it I fell back into the water. The currents were getting stronger, dragging me further out. Every time I tried to stand the waves forced me back down.

I couldn’t find enough strength to pull myself above the water after another wave hit me. I felt a tug on the collar of my clothes, then being lift out of the water, and being dragged back to land. I coughed up the water that had managed to attempt to drown me. When I had stopped coughing I was being lifted again, and was placed on Zuko’s shoulder like a sack of potatoes. I tried to get out of his grip but I was too exhausted to. The last thing I saw was the glimmer of the moon in the ocean getting smaller, as he walked away. I closed my eyes and let the darkness take me.

Well I finally managed to get this up, even though I have still yet to find a beta reader like i wanted, oh well, I was tired of waiting......so is it better than the older version?
I need opinions!!!!

Chapter 2: [link]
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SunshineShowersx's avatar
Hi! Normally I won't make a comment on someone's writing when there's room to be improved, but because your story so far is quite interesting, I thought I'd leave you a comment letting you know where you could improve. The only problem I have with your writing is how fast paced you're writing. There was some very big events happening, them packing up, Katara wanting to go water bend instead of sleeping, Her going into a weird forest, being attacked by a platypus bear, then Zuko saving her and capturing her all in this one chapter. I feel like you didn't describe what was happening very well, you just sort of stated things/listed things that were happening as they happened rather than give them the full experience of what is happening in full detail. Instead of saying something like "I tried to get out of his grip, but I was too exhausted to." , You should be more descriptive and describe how she tried to get out of his grip, but because her body felt weak because of the intense struggle she had with the bear, and the intense waterbending she just did she couldn't fight him and had to let herself be taken.

I hope you don't take offence to my critique, but you have a good story going on that has a little bit of room to be improved, and I can't wait to read the next couple of chapters. Take care. :heart: :tighthug: